Here is an email we received from one of our students after we requested a paper past due paper.

The message is in its entirety except names.

In response to the question: "Have you got a paper to submit to me?"

Yes and no.

I am a sub-par student and did not allot a proper amount of time for completion of my paper by its due date. In a wan and willowy state I approached the prospect of research with fear and trepidation. I put little thought into my original abstract and thus was unmotivated in helping realize its potential in scientific exploration. After much hemming and hawing I crossed the great divide, and over several margaritas, discussed the properties of a sexy paper topic with my PhD of a mother. being a geologist with a fidget for the cutting edge, she directed me towards some exciting, controversial and current tops regarding the evolution and existence of our earth. I submerged my self in the wonderful world of methane hydrates and have yet to emerge (Unfortunate for the completion of my paper). One distracting factor is the constant presence to pestering geologists, such as my mother, my father, and the usual chatty passer- by, sleeping in the spare room, drinking port, and offering juicy bits of gossip about the department whist throwing me for double headers as to the direction, purpose and actualization of my exploration into hydrates and thermal maximums. I have had trouble limiting myself to a respectable amount of information, and am just now beginning to succeed in constricting myself to a respectable amount of paper space and information divulgence. I am significantly well into my the completion paper, and things are finally starting to move in a precise and favorable direction. I really hope to have it finished within the next day. Sorry for the tardiness and a possibly self-indulgent excuse. I do assure you that I am having a wonderful time in my research and learning a lot, despite the repercussions my failings as a student may have on my grade.