The message is in its entirety except names.

In response to the question: "Have you got a paper to submit to me?"

Yes and no.

I am a sub-par student and did not allot a proper amount of time for completion of my paper by its due date. In a wan and willowy state I approached the prospect of research with fear and trepidation. I put little thought into my original abstract and thus was unmotivated in helping realize its potential in scientific exploration. After much hemming and hawing I crossed the great divide, and over several margaritas, discussed the properties of a sexy paper topic with my PhD of a mother. being a geologist with a fidget for the cutting edge, she directed me towards some exciting, controversial and current tops regarding the evolution and existence of our earth. I submerged my self in the wonderful world of methane hydrates and have yet to emerge (Unfortunate for the completion of my paper). One distracting factor is the constant presence to pestering geologists, such as my mother, my father, and the usual chatty passer- by, sleeping in the spare room, drinking port, and offering juicy bits of gossip about the department whist throwing me for double headers as to the direction, purpose and actualization of my exploration into hydrates and thermal maximums. I have had trouble limiting myself to a respectable amount of information, and am just now beginning to succeed in constricting myself to a respectable amount of paper space and information divulgence. I am significantly well into my the completion paper, and things are finally starting to move in a precise and favorable direction. I really hope to have it finished within the next day. Sorry for the tardiness and a possibly self-indulgent excuse. I do assure you that I am having a wonderful time in my research and learning a lot, despite the repercussions my failings as a student may have on my grade.

Colby Nolan (pictured, left) is probably the first animal to hold this distinction -- an executive MBA from a university.

Pennsylvania Attorney General Jerry Pappert isn't amused, since Colby is a pet cat and a Texas-based online college allegedly gave the feline a degree for $399.

"I filed this lawsuit to stop a massive illegal spam campaign that not only defrauded consumers and employers, but damaged the reputations of numerous Pennsylvania businesses across 24 counties and a government office," Pappert said Monday.

Newspaper advertisements congratulating the 16-year-old girl who won the latest "Australian Idol" competition made an embarrassing mistake -- directing fans to a gay porn Web site.

A suspected shoplifter caused quite a buzz when he used honeybees to extricate himself from a sticky situation at a local K-Mart store.
Security personnel followed a shoplifting suspect into a bathroom. But when they opened the restroom door, they were overcome with about 100 buzzing bees.

This book attempts to teach you the skills that can help you to have lucid dreams — dreams in which you know that you are dreaming. Lucid dreams have been scientifically proven to exist. Being aware that you are dreaming, and still remaining asleep, can give you the ability to control your dreams. Lucid dreaming truly can be a fantastic experience. See the introduction for more details on what lucid dreaming is.

THE VIRGIN MARY, OR GOD, WHAT EVER YOU BELIEVE IN YOU'LL BELIEVE NOW..........THIS IS AN ORDINARY REAL GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH THAT I MADE ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO. I WENT TO TAKE A BIT OUT OF IT AND "THE VIRGIN MARY" WAS LOOKING BACK AT ME..........I HAVE PLACE HER IN A PLASTIC CASE WITH COTTON AROUND HER............SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME.........AND EVERY YEAR THAT GOES BY SHE KEEPS GETTING STRONGER.........I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE CHOICE ME BUT I WANT TO SHARE HER WITH THE WORLD............I FEEL SHE WANT TO BLESS THE PEOPLE THAT SHE TOUCHES..........SHE NEEDS TO BE OUT THERE IN THE PUBLIC SO SHE CAN BLESS AND TOUCHES EVERYONE..........I WILL MISS HER, SHE HAS GIVEN ME A LOT OF COMFORT OVER THE YEARS...........I WONDER SOMETIMES WHY SHE CAME TO ME...........TRULY TRULY AUTHENTIC

Barbara Quinn On Nutrition

So, when did you start drinking coffee?" I asked our youngest daughter after she had worked on a guest ranch in Colorado for a year. "When I had to start work at 6:45 in the morning and there was 8 inches of snow on the ground and the temperature was five degrees," she said.

Good answer. Coffee is the most abundantly consumed stimulant in the world. But it was not invented by a modern sage named Starbuck. According to registered dietitian Amy Brown, "Coffee was probably discovered in Ethiopia around the 3rd century A.D. when an Arabian goat herder named Kaldi noticed that his goats became particularly frolicsome after eating certain berries." Coffee berries, or beans, do have some perks. They contain caffeine, a central nervous system stimulant that increases mental alertness and temporarily fires up metabolism. Caffeine can enhance athletic performance by helping the body burn fat for energy during long bouts of exercise. In fact, the International Olympic Committee considers more than a moderate amount of caffeine in athletes a "doping agent."

Excess coffee can create a "latte" problems. Caffeine arouses the heart to beat faster and raises blood pressure. It stimulates stomach acids and can disturb your sleep. Too much coffee mixed with too little calcium in your diet can pour the strength out your bones. Strong discussions continue to brew over coffee. Some evidence links coffee drinking to a lower risk for type 2 diabetes. Other studies find that coffee and caffeine raise homocysteine levels -- a risk factor for heart disease.

The issue grinds down to this: How coffee affects you depends on how much and how often you drink it. Most experts recommend we keep our intake of caffeine to less than 300 milligrams a day. Here's the breakdown:

Brewed coffee contains the most caffeine, about 140 milligrams per cup. Instant coffee contains about 80 milligrams per cup. Tea contains 40 to 50 milligrams of caffeine per cup. Cola drinks contain 40 to 100 milligrams of caffeine per 12-ounce can. Energy drinks like Red Bull contain about 120 milligrams caffeine in 12 ounces. Caffeine-free coffee is not... entirely. Most decaf coffees still contain about 3 percent of their original caffeine content.

If you're healthy, one or two cups of regular coffee a day should not pose a problem and may even have some beneficial effects. Be cautious with coffee and other caffeinated foods if you have high blood pressure or other heart ailments.

Forty years ago, the Vatican published a notorious set of guidelines for courting Catholics that outlawed even French kissing before marriage.

The pages of It's A Sin Not To Do It, however, feature a frank interview with Cardinal Ersilio Tonini in which he emphasises that "the Church is not an enemy of the flesh". He argues that Vatican doctrine has always defended the "nobility of sexuality", which is regarded by the Church as a "treasure" of humanity.

Another chapter likely to raise eyebrows unearths theological justification for post-coital masturbation for women who fail to achieve orgasm during intercourse.

For the past week, while at home, using his own computers, and off the clock at Caltech and NASA, Nelson has been analyzing images of the president's back during the debates. A professional physicist and photo analyst for more than 30 years, he speaks earnestly and thoughtfully about his subject. "I am willing to stake my scientific reputation to the statement that Bush was wearing something under his jacket during the debate," he says. "This is not about a bad suit. And there's no way the bulge can be described as a wrinkled shirt."

The rset can be a ttoal mses and you can sitll raed it wituoht prbolem. Tihs is bscauee the hamun mnid deos not raed eevry letetr by istelf, but the wrod as a wohle.

Two years ago, I became a proud member of the 2002 Winter Olympics team and then won the World Cup overall title as a freestyle skier. Then, a few weeks later, the NCAA informed me that if it were to allow me to continue my financial means of paying for my trainer, nutritionist, physical therapist and agent for skiing, I would be endangering the core principle of amateurism as a college football player.

Even though the NCAA denied multiple waivers to let me play football, at least it provided me with a lengthy and adequate response to why it felt the request was off-base. It read something like this: No.

• People running in costume
• People running half-naked
• Free chocolate donuts on the race course
• After the donuts, free bacon strips
• After the bacon, free jalepeños
• After the peppers, free french fries
• After the fries, free ice cream.

British bookmaker Ladbrokes is now accepting wagers on the future of physics. They've opened a book on:

* Understanding the origin of cosmic rays by 2010 (4/1 odds)
* The ATLAS experiment at CERN finding the Higgs Boson by 2010 (6/1 odds)
* The Laser Interferometer Gravitational Wave Observatory (LIGO) detecting gravitational waves by 2010 (10/1 odds)
* Building a fusion power station by 2010 (100/1 odds)

Anyone can place bets on these breakthroughs during the next two weeks. Apparently, New Scientist magazine is also involved in the gamble, dedicating ten pages to it in the print edition.

“I’d be tempted to take a bet on the Higgs at 6-1,” says Brian Foster who heads the particle physics group at the University of Oxford in the UK. “I’ve been quite instrumental in betting the taxpayers’ money on us finding it, so I’d better put my money where my mouth is.”

The state of Illinois has filed a lawsuit against the Dave Matthews Band for allegedly dumping up to 800 pounds of liquid human waste from its tour bus into the Chicago River earlier this month.

And that was bad news for Chicago's First Lady, a passing tour boat filled with 100 people on an architecture sightseeing cruise that was doused by the falling excrement.

This $15 jar-topper senses and counts the coins you deposit into your coin-bank and displays the outcome on a little LCD.

SEATTLE, Washington (Reuters) -- A black bear was found passed out at a campground in Washington state recently after guzzling down three dozen cans of a local beer, a campground worker said on Wednesday.

The hard-drinking bear, estimated to be about two years old, broke into campers' coolers and, using his claws and teeth to open the cans, swilled down the suds.

It turns out the bear was a bit of a beer sophisticate. He tried a mass-market Busch beer, but switched to Rainier Beer, a local ale, and stuck with it for his drinking binge.

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TWO Russian anglers quietly sharing a vodka as they waited for fish to bite in a Siberian river fled for their lives when two hippos broke the surface and shattered the peace of a summer day, Itar-Tass news agency has reported.

Malvina, the female hippo, and her companion Kenigs had escaped from a zoo at Bolshaya Rechka, about 200km north of Omsk, it said.

The terrified anglers sped to the village, one on foot, the other by bicycle, and alerted zoo keepers, who found the animals quietly grazing in a field.

The mystery may be over as one of the creatures roaming through central Maryland was finally captured on Saturday. According to the veterinarians at Falls Road Animal Hospital, the animal was a male red fox.

"It is a skin parasite that looks -- under the microscope -- like spiders," said Dr. Herko. "One of the signs of the disease is hair loss and you've seen he's lost a good portion of its hair -- a good 70 percent."

1. Denver-Boulder
2. Washington-Baltimore
3. Austin

• Sweet trip to South Padre Island
• Floating/Canoeing on the Guadalupe/Town Lake
• Partyin' on a Lake Travis boat
• Watchin the fireworks from an undisclosed location
• Getting your Texas license at the DMV
• Check off this list of things to do in WalMart
• You can always play Edward 40-Hands I suppose

See more ...

NOTE: Adults only on this photo album, and don't send these photos to Girls Gone Wild or anything, for our sakes!

• Ames on the cop car
• Coin in the eye
• Stuck on the wrong side of the parade
• The Search for Thompson
• Ames on his knees
• Triple-kiss with two hotties
• Kissin' on the Vandy girls
• Sleeping under the Rodeo
• Chuck's lost cell phone
• My extra cell phone
• Crawfish and gator kabobs
• Dragon master showcase
• Beingets and raw oysters
• Home-made beads are so money
• Throwing away my shoes at NI
• Lethal hand gernades
• Chuck droppin' dueces every 20 min
• Ames and I and two breasts
• High fivin' and loaded cigs